He moved! (I am such a goose.)

Blessed be the Lord, and happy all heavens! I can stop worrying now. My baby moved!

You laugh. Well, I suppose I was being a bit irrational, but I really was worried. Seth says that I'm not happy unless I have something to worry about, and I'm beginning to see his point. See, all my pregnancy manuals said that I could expect to feel the baby move between weeks 16 and 20, and here it is, week 21, and I had felt nothing! Oh there were little squiggly feelings, but nothing that couldn't be attributed to normal symptoms of pregnancy. Of course I was beginning to worry.

So yesterday, while I was dressing, I happened to look down at my belly, and right as I looked, lo and behold, a little section of my lower abdomen poked out for just a second and then poked back in. There's no way that's gas! I tried to show Seth, but baby wasn't interested in performing for Daddy just then. Of course, I was all excited, and Seth got another laugh at my expense. He says that if I survive the first year of motherhood, I'm going to make a great mom, meaning that I'll probably give myself a heart attack before baby's first birthday. I know that I'm being completely irrational, but I've was never that rational to begin with. This is a baby we're talking about here! Everything about them is cause for worry and celebration. It's a survival mechanism! God planned it that way!

Speaking of irrational baby excitement, do I look pregnant yet? I know it's not the greatest picture (I haven't figured out the automated part of our camera yet), but it's clear enough to say one way or the other. The ladies at church were all saying how glad they are that I'm showing at last. Then they all had to tell me how big they got before the end. I've got a ways to go.

And finally, two pictures of fall.

I live in such a beautiful place that even I can take pretty pictures.

Back in the business world.

It feels good to be doing something again. Last Friday, I was feeling well enough to sub all day, and today I'm going to try a half day with 5th graders. I know it's not much in the way of income, but it is much in the way of activity, and it feels good to know that I'm not being a complete drag.

My twenty week check up is tomorrow, and the big ultrasound is Thursday. I will post ultrasound results sometime next week. Now I have to go make my lunch.

Love you all.
Jennifer

Update on mural.

It's been almost a week since I worked on my mural. I was hoping to work on it some more before I posted pictures, but I suddenly realized how woefully ignorant I am of many things pregnancy and have decided to spend the next couple of days reading about the decisions I'm going to have to make before Seth leaves again.

So here are the pictures from my latest effort. The camera was on night setting, and I didn't know it, so pardon the blurriness. We added in the green background. Seth and I painted this part together, and he thought that background meant it should cover the whole wall. I was thinking more that green should be where leaves go. We'll see who was right when more of it gets filled in. The next step here is to extend the arms of the white tree ("one white tree." sorry. I couldn't help myself. Anyway, there will be more before I'm done. ) and paint in its gold leaves.

Here is a view from the corner, and I'd like some opinions on it. Seth says we don't need any more trees in that corner. He likes the way the mural fades away into nothing. I think that blue expanse needs at least a small bush, maybe a sumac or something red. Of course, there will probably be a table in front of it, but tables can be moved. I'd like to know that something is there.

After we resolve what will go in the other corner, this corner will get its own tree treatment. Part of the background is already in place, but I don't want to put a lot of green in until I know how the branches are going to fall.

So that's progress. It makes my kitchen feel smaller to have all this activity on the walls. I think so, at least. Seth doesn't notice it.

Dreaming pink!

Since the day this baby was conceived, I have been certain that it was a boy. Lately, I haven't been as certain. And then last night . . .

Last night, I dreamed that I was walking into a room that was full of random bits of furniture just setting about like it had been moved in but not organized. I was considerably more pregnant. There was an enormous cherry wood mirror with a curvy top lying on its side. There were bits of newspaper on the floor. There was a closet with a very curvy closet organizer (It looked like the skeleton of a waterslide.) with branches, and on each branch hung a different baby outfit. And there was lots of furniture in the background that I didn't take notice of because I was too busy staring at the walls. The walls were --- pink. A nice bubblegum/peppermint pink. And the baby clothes had pink highlights -- ribbons, footies, flowers, etc. And there was no reason for that mirror to ever sit in a boy's room. Completely female all the way.

I am certain that the room was a room in my house, though it didn't resemble the room we have set up for the baby. (It was bigger, for one thing. I don't think that mirror would fit comfortably in our spare room.) I am pretty certain it was a room for my baby (though an old friend of mine just learned she's having a girl, maybe twins). The whole dream was like walking into a birthday present.

So now what do I do? Sit still and wait, I suppose. It's not as if I can do anything about it. The ultrasound isn't for another week and a half. I begin to see why babies a hundred years ago were dressed in white for the first few months. Much simpler.

And the dream might just be addressing my anxiety about not being mentally ready for a girl. I will admit that my stomach was awfully awry last night. I also dreamed about marching bands in black and white workout uniforms assembling next door to my parents' old house led by an old classmate of mine who played an instrument that looked like a black rubber bugel. (She played the flute in high school.) But somehow that dream was just chaotic. The baby dream felt like there was more to it. It felt like it meant something to me. I can never figure out whether or not to trust pregnancy dreams or not.

New Friends

I've added several new blogs to my list of blogs. None of these people are actually new friends to me, but I thought maybe some of you would like to get to know each other.
Two of the new blogs are care sites affiliated with hospitals. Uncle Randy, who lives in Iowa, and Montana Crosby, who lives here in Silverdale and is supported by my church, are both recovering from cancer, and I know they would appreciate prayer.
Kelly is a friend from college who works with underprivileged and incarcerated girls in Grand Rapids. It's really cool to see the progress she makes.
Leann is a good friend who has insight into the prophetic. Her blog is chiefly about miraculous happenings and prophetic dreams.
So if you need some new reading material, check out one of my friends.

Catch you later.
Jennifer

Nevermind.

God be praised. There is nothing wrong with me, and baby is all right too. Two mothers and one doctor agree that there is no way what I was doing could have harmed my baby, and one husband thinks I'm incredibly paranoid. I don't blame him. It seems like every week I have a new crisis that I need to worry about, and I really overdid it this time. I tell him that if he had all the changes going on in his body that I have going on in my body, he would be paranoid too, or at least more worried than he is when I freak out. I am glad to have his level head to keep me sane, but it would be nice if I could rest in his calm assurance without having to endure his exasperated amusement.

So work on the mural will go on, but not today. I need a couple days to recoup after yesterday. I think that I will wander over to the hardware store and pick up some more blue for background, and then maybe on Thursday I will fill that in. My nerves should be settled by then. After that I can start on leaves in that corner. I wonder if we still have the green that I painted our bedroom with.

Mural progress.

Well, I took a bit of a risk today, and I'm not sure if I'm going to regret it or not. See, the wall in my kitchen has been driving me crazy. It's all blocked out, and there has been no progress since then. I've had this nagging feeling that it isn't finished, which, as my mom pointed out, has probably been increasing my stress level. Now I know this project is not going to be finished quicklym, but progress is progress, so Friday, I went down to the hardware store and bought myself four quarts of paint: two shades of grey and two shades of gold.

This morning, I was determined to get started and just do a little painting. Now the word "little" is key because I know that painting can be hazardous for pregnant women. So I determined ahead of time that I was only going to paint for an hour. I chose paints with the smallest amount of fumes. I opened all the windows in the house, I turned on a fan, and I even wore a respirator.

So I got all my painting stuff out, mixed myself some colors, and started painting.

The first thing I discovered was that I was going to need to get some smaller brushes. Trees have a lot of small and intricate parts that a 1/4 inch brush is not going to handle. This is the main tree in the back corner. The branches will extend farther than they do at the moment, but that is exactly where a smaller brush would have come in handy.

The second thing I discovered is that dark is really dark. Check out my background trees for this corner. Really dark and kinda creepy. I want the trailing twigs. They're one of the reasons I love paper birches so much. At the moment, they look like claws, and this whole thing looks like a Halloween setting. Not quite what I had in mind. I'm going to try to brighten up the middle of their trunks, and of course, when they have shading and details, they'll look more realistic.About that time, I decided that I had painted enough. I was sick of the respirator, and I was feeling a little sick to my stomach. So I put away my paints and cleaned out my brushes on the middle tree. What do you think? If the branches were longer and the leaves were in place, it could be a pretty good birch tree. It doesn't look quite that good close up, but I've been painting with broad brushes, so I don't really expect any differently.

Next step will be to put some life into those background trees and decide how I want to handle the background colors. Either the blue needs to come down a lot farther (which will get blue smudges on my trees, or I need to find a plausible background green or gold that can look like leaves in autumn. I think I'm going to do as much as possible to this side before I start on the other side. Sort of a learn from my mistakes sort of a thing. Today I learned that backgrounds should come first, before sketching even. I also learned that I can put together a pretty good birch tree.

But how much painting should I be doing? Once a week? How much trouble am I causing myself for my piece of mind regarding this mural? The nurses said that a little bit of painting was fine, and that's exactly what I did, a little bit. But now I'm so nervous. I wish I could see what's going on inside of me. I'd like to keep painting. Mom is right. I feel much better when I'm on my way toward getting something done. I don't feel good thinking about possible risks to my child. Maybe I should just call my doctor. I think I'll do that.

Addendum to previous post.

This is about half of the apples we gathered.

This is my dad hiding in the foliage.

This is another balloon picture. The head belongs to my Aunt Jan.

Trying to be busy.

It's hard to stay busy when one doesn't know what one's day is going to be like. Today of all days, I am reluctant to go out. I should be receiving a phone call. I've been cleaning for three days. I have very little left to do, and I don't want to miss that phone call. "Just use your cell phone," some of you will say. Sometimes I don't hear my cell phone, and I don't want to miss this call.


So this afternoon, I'll probably run to town and buy some paint and finally get started painting my mural (don't worry--I will open all the windows in the house when I paint). I'm going to paint a couple of trees and then move the furniture in front of them and focus on the rest of the wall. But this morning, while I'm still hoping for my phone call, I'm going to post some pictures from last week. While I'm waiting for my pictures to upload, I'm vacuuming the bedrooms. I'd really like to move all the furniture and give everything a good solid cleaning, but I'm not allowed to attempt to move anything that heavy, even with a furniture dolly (sniff, sniff) The further along I get, the more my hands are tied, it seems.

Most of these are pictures of apple gleaning. This lean guy is my dad. I tried to get a picture of his face, but he very cleverly used the foliage to avoid my camera. Just looking at the spotty sunlight and the over-reaching branches can give you an idea of the atmosphere of gleaning. Think early morning. It is rather like stepping into a forest glade on an adventure. You never know what you might find. For instance, on my right is a little treasure that I wasn't expecting. I've never found a bird's nest while gleaning before, but this time I found two of them.




This lady to the left is my mom. She thought that we didn't need to bring home quite as many apples as we did, but we couldn't help ourselves. Apple gleaning is addictive. Every time we had convinced ourselves that we were done, we would see another branch that we had missed. It's very nearly a sin to leave good apples behind. So after we were done gleaning, she and I spend the next three days (nights actually) coreing, pealing, and slicing apples for sauce. 28 quarts and counting. Of course, one can never have too much applesauce, and homemade is so much better than storebought. We dried some apples too, and of course, they can always be eaten fresh.

Late September is also excellent ballooning weather, and every

year, the town of Prosser holds a hot air balloon festival. Now if you like waking up at five in the morning to stand outside and watch balloons take off into the rising sun, by all means, go to Prosser at five in the morning. I haven't been keen on early mornings for a while. I haven't been keen on late evenings either, but my family went to see this event, called Night Glow. Several balloons are set up in a stadium, and flicker on and off and move up and down in time to some well-known piece of music. I only got to see the pictures this year. Maybe next year I'll have my late night appetite back.

Maybe I'll bake a pie this morning, or call my mother-in-law (heads up, Judi) and ask her about mural paints again. She told me all about them once, but I lost the paper that I wrote her advice down on. I know I don't want oil or acrylic paints. That doesn't really leave much, does it. Hmmm. This could be harder than I thought. I might actually be busy this afternoon. :)

Got home safe.
House was empty, as expected, except with signs of Seth.
Sat down and had a good cry (3 whole tears. That's a lot for me.)
Going grocery shopping for basics. All out of milk.
Post pictures of holiday tomorrow.

bye.