A quick compendium of stress lowering phrases for the overly sensitive

It's those little moments that can make the biggest changes in our outlook.  We all need less stress in our lives.  Everyone knows that. But I didn't really get started thinking about ways to reduce stress (not in a practical way, at any rate) until my chiropractor suggested that an overactive adrenal gland might be the reason my muscles cramp up more than usual.  I really didn't want to take yet another supplement, so I decided that a lifestyle change was in order.  Finally.  It really bugs my husband when a random mention of something that he's been telling me for years makes me affect a change I should have been making. 

But how to reduce stress?  Obviously, a change of schedule wasn't an option.  Most of what I do is wrapped up in family, home, and paying off student loans.  That can't change.  And really, I don't do as much as many women I know.  So the answer lies in changing my state of mind.  I've been saying the following phrases to myself a lot lately. 

1.  Why not?  I try to ask this one as an honest question.  If no reason surfaces, then go for it. 

2.  It's nothing personal.  That random person who frowned when he saw me was thinking of his taxes or his truck repairs or his soon-to-be son-in-law.  It had nothing to do with me.

3.  There's no reason that this can't turn out fine. 

4.  It's my fault.  I'm sorry.  A lot of stress comes from trying to shift blame, even if only in one's own mind. 

5.  It's not my fault.  Sometimes it's someone else's fault.  And sometimes, it's just something outside the control of any one human being. 

6.  It's over.  Because the feelings from random events can linger far too long.  Even if the events aren't random, like a disappointing moment with a child or a boneheaded mistake, there's a statute of limitations on how long we ought to feel bad about it once it's done.

7.  This is me, and I like it.  I can't count the number of people that I envy, not for what they have, but for who they are.  I wish I did things a hundred ways differently, and I often kick myself for using the habits and preferences that are normal to me.  There's nothing wrong with growing, but I'm finally coming to accept that some parts of me are foundational and were intended to be. 

8.  All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well.  Julian of Norwich had great faith, having seen the love of Christ up close and personal in her visions.  The people who are closest to God have the greatest confidence in his ability to make all things new and good. 

9.  It's a part of the world I live in, and I like it.   Few things are more stressful than sitting in criticism on life.  The constant inflow of information these days can incline us to look down the more provincial aspects of our lives.  That's just sad. 

10.  I'm happy.  Because unhappiness isn't as sophisticated as it's often reputed to be.  Sometimes the happy person isn't the one who hasn't delved into the situation fully.  Sometimes the happy person is the one who has considered the situation fully, counted his or her blessings, taken positive action, and moved on. 

Sevenses

The longer I parent, the more justified I feel my parents to have been in, well, much of my childhood.  Once a week or sometimes once a day I will have a small "aha" moment and realize, "Oh, that's why my mom did that."  Numerous tiny wounds and resentments that I've half-jokingly cherished since I was three have been slowly leeching away as I encounter the same kind of situations with my child.  And today, we had a perfect parallel experience because today is Boogaloo's birthday.

I have a vivid memory of my seventh birthday.  I don't remember the cake or the presents.  I vaguely remember the guests.  I do remember wearing a hand-me-down blue plaid dress with a white lace collar which I really, really loved.  But the most potent memory I have of my seventh birthday is being forced to clean my room on my birthday.  It just seemed so unfair.  It was my birthday.  I shouldn't have to clean my room.  Moreover, I should not have had to clean it by myself.  Most of the mess belonged to my sister, who wasn't so much younger than I am that she couldn't have helped.  I don't remember what I said to my parents, but I know that I said plenty in my head and under my breath.  I very strongly felt that the fact that it was my birthday should make me above such things. 

Fast forward 28 years, and Boogaloo is getting ready for school on her birthday.  She can't wait to tell her friends that it's her birthday, and trusting this fervor to keep her moving, I decided to jump in the shower. (I should mention that procrastination is a long standing problem at our house.)  I told her very specifically, "By the time I get out of the bathroom, you should have your school clothes on."  But when I got out, she didn't.  She was standing by her bed in her pajamas with a big box of crayons and her drawing notebook.  She jumped guiltily and began pulling her arm out of her sleeve, but it was too late.  Mommy had seen. 

I did not shout.  I rebuked her very calmly, but then I walked across the room and confiscated her crayons and drawing notebook.  As I carried them out of her room and as she threw herself on the bed and wept as only a seven-year-old drama queen can, I felt a stab of reminiscence.  My reasons were perfectly good.  My daughter has a knack for disregarding the necessary in light of the interesting.  This is not okay before school.  We've been through this before.  I daresay my mother had perfectly good reasons too.  (I was probably driving her crazy with excitement about my party, and cleaning my room was a good way to get me out of the way.)  And as I walked the three steps to my room, I realized that I was not ruining my daughter's birthday.  I was keeping instruction consistent, which is much more important than any special day. 

Did I ruin Boogaloo's birthday?  The short answer is no.  She told me she was very sad.  I accepted that.  I told her that I was a little angry.  She processed that.  Then she did the responsible thing and got her school clothes on.  I won't say that the issue was entirely smoothed over because I had to endure some hints about the drawing that she'd like to do before the school bus came, but when she got on the bus she was once again excited about her birthday and the party that we have planned for this evening.  And honestly, it's going to be a pretty cool party.  We booked a room at a place that's even better than Chuck E. Cheese.   I'm pretty sure that by the time she gets her crayons back tomorrow, she'll have forgotten about the whole thing, which doesn't answer well for my parenting.