Another addition to the ranks of military wifedom -- advice for Princess Katherine

I was reading an article on the royal wedding because I missed the showing on tv (What hour was it on on the west coast? I don't know, but everyone who admitted to watching it looked a little groggy this morning.), and it closed with "Next comes the honeymoon, and then they settled down to a military life," or something like that. The press has made it impossible to forget that their royal highnesses Prince William and Prince Harry are active duty military, but I still felt a certain thrill when I realized that Princess Katherine and I have something in common. She is now a military wife.

My first thought was "Oh my gosh, I have something in common with a princess!" and probably most princesses if you think about it. Don't all princes have some military affiliation? My second thought was "Just one more way she's really in for it." Being a military wife is not easy, and I imagine that the difficulties wouldn't be at all assuaged by the duties of being royal.

I know that she's been a military girlfriend and a military fiance for some time, but there's something different about joining yourself to a person and then having that person removed temporarily for purposes good and weighty through no fault of your own. It's not like death or divorce, after which one is supposed to move on. Military service is its own kind of separation, during which one is supposed to hold on without going crazy. Two souls that have become one are stretched over and over again, and it hurts in its own special way.

So with that in mind, I thought I would gather up my six years of military experience and offer some advice to Princess Kate.

1. Read the "emotional cycle of deployment" pamphlets. If the British pamphlets are like the American pamphlets, they're pretty much spot on. Deployment is a lot like a grieving process. You probably will go through uncertainty, separation, and disorientation as he leaves and do them all over again when he comes back. Anger and low periods are normal. It's all part of missing your soulmate. Don't assume that they are the result of doing something wrong. You're probably doing something right.

2. Recognize that the ache that you feel when he's gone is a good thing. Most aches are things we try to do away with. We take medicine or we go shopping. The ache that happens when one's spouse deploys is a little different. It's really a sign of the love that you have for each other, and it's not going to go away fully until he comes back. It's okay to indulge this ache. In fact, indulging the ache is probably the healthiest thing you can do, provided you have time and convenience and indulge in moderation. Read old letters. Stare at pictures. Remember sweet things he's done for you. Cry. This is not a bad pain. Don't try to avoid it.

3. If you're feeling blue or need some support from someone, don't be ashamed of asking. I'm still trying to perfect this one. Life has to go on after they leave, and I think the fact that it is life, and all of life, makes us think that we should be able to handle it as we would if they are here. The only problem is that they're not here, and the support, conversation, intimacy, and second set of hands that comes from having a husband around removes with them. People will naturally refrain from invading your privacy and offering support when you don't seem to need it, so if you need it, make sure you ask.

4. Have a list of people you know you can ask. It's easier that way.

5. Never lose your military id. Just don't.

6. Shop at the commissary. It's cheaper. :)

7. Don't require one hundred percent of yourself all the time. I don't know how someone in the spotlight of royalty can avoid putting the best foot forward constantly, but there have to be days when you say, "Today, we will be accomplishing the absolute minimum because I have done as much as I can." Lock all the doors. Take off the heals and the hats. Collapse in a big comfy chair, and don't do anything you don't feel motivated to do, or at least that isn't absolutely necessary.

8. Do keep busy. I don't think you'll have a problem with that.

9. Skype is a military wive's best friend.

10. Avoid complainers. Life is always lighter if no one is pulling you down, and military wives can be notorious complainers. We call it commiseration. We have some excuse, I think, but that doesn't make it healthy. In light of what we do have, it doesn't do to focus on what we don't have. And all these trials are only what is common to man.

11. Keep a journal or some sort of daily record so you can share all the things that he's missing when he gets back. I email my husband daily, and then I put all of our emails in a special folder as a record for our children.

12. Commit him to God every night, every morning, and with every worry. Rest in the fact that God is the God who Sees, Hears, and Cares. He can reach across continents, and they are much safer in His hands than in ours.

13. I think the hardest time of the day is when everything is finished, all children are in bed, and there's nothing left to do but miss him. There's something vast about a two person bed with only one person in it. Where there should be warmth, touch, comfort, and intimacy, there is only silence, and the blankets don't lie right. You may feel like you're continuously waiting for him to come to bed, and he never does. At times like those, I like to lie awake and imagine what it will be like when he comes back. This technique usually produces some tears, but those tears will make you feel better.

14. Don't be ashamed to go all out when he comes back. Meet him on the pier, or the tarmac in your case. Wave the little flags. Dress in patriotic colors. Throw a party. Go on a second honeymoon. This is not life as usual. He's back! Commemorate it!

15. Be proud of him, and always let him know it.

Best of luck, Your Royal Highnesses. Congratulations and God keep you.