If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without  finding fault, and it will be given to him.  But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord.  James 1: 5-7

How many times have I seen those words? But how many times do I decline to ask God for wisdom because I feel like we should really figure it out on our own.  OR how many times do I ask with the firm intention of staying as confused as I am at this moment until the path opens that gives me my way?  I'm ashamed to say it, but that's my modus operandi most of the time.  Confusion?  Cognitive dissonance?  Something new?  Spin around in circles until the situation becomes urgent, say a quick prayer, and push my foot down on the throttle, and hope I'm going in the right direction.  It's not an intentional slight to God.  It's just the way I generally do things when I'm not sure what I should be doing.  (It bugs my husband to  no end.)

However, it turns out that James meant what he was talking about.  It's easy to forget that not only were the Biblical writers inspired, they were also writing from a lifetime of experience and reflection.  James had seen God provide practical answers to intense conundrums.  He had, I assume, felt God's reassurance when he felt like an idiot for asking.  And he had lost out on answers of the moment for doubting when he asked. 

All this goes to say that Seth and I are contemplating buying a house.  In the current economy, buying is much cheaper than renting.  Our area expects to add about 40,000 new jobs in the next two years.  Rental prices are expected to skyrocket.   Add to that the discount on interest rates that a veteran can get right now,  and all the impetus seems to be for buying a house.  Seth certainly felt that way. He's been respectfully insistent. The only way two mortgages would become a burden would be if we had to move again. The odds of that happening were extremely small, and we can always get a renter. By all human measures, we are in a good place to buy.

 I had only one objection:  we already have a house, and the thought of having two mortgages made me extremely anxious.   Anxiety is part of my hardwiring at the moment.  It grabs ahold of me physically and mentally and turns me into an arthritic little soul that can barely move.  God and I are installing some buffeting circuitry, and I hope to be largely rewired by the time my daughter becomes a teenager (can I get a "yeah, right"?), but right now that's how it is. 

I am particularly anxious about money.  Dave Ramsey, noted financial expert, talks about a security gland which women have and men don't.  This security gland warns us when a financial risk is approaching.  My security gland is about half of my endocrine system.  When Seth and I started talking about a second mortgage, I could literally feel something cramping up right above my appendix.    I tried to massage the feeling down, but it didn't work. My whole body tensed up, and I went into a fetal position in my recliner, doing my darndest not to whimper like a puppy (anxiety affects me that way). 

Seth looked over at me and asked, "Love, are you all right?" 

Perfectly.  Thank you.  Taking a deep breath, I replied, "This just makes me really nervous.  That's all." 

"Well, it's not like we're buying anything right now," he replied as he clicked on the link for another house.   No, neither were we buying a car the day we bought one, and while I don't regret that decision, the precedent has been set. 

That night, as I lay awake snuggled under his strong arm (I love him so much.),  I prayed fervently.  "Lord, please give us wisdom, and if you show me that this is good, make my anxiety go away."  Then I resolved to ask the ladies at Bible Study for advice the next day.   There is  a lot of combined experience in my Bible Study group. 

The next day didn't go exactly as I had planned.  I ended up going to the ESL Bible Study instead of what I call the original study.  I shouldn't downplay the life experience of the women in the ESL group.  They all emigrated from other countries, for crying out loud. But I had kind of counted on going with the other group.  I thought my opportunity was slipping away from me.   Still, I had promised God that I would seek out advice, so I asked for prayer, and the ladies told me, "Now is a good time to buy."  Okay, that's one check for the pro's column.

I picked up my daughter from the Little Lambs group and headed out to the playground for some swing therapy (Boogaloo loves swings.  They're very soothing.) .  One of the Boo's classmates was out there with her grandmother, Mary, also swinging.  We pushed the girls on the swings and discussed weather, vacation plans, a trip the lady had just taken, and then, since neither of our girls showed a sign of getting off the swings, I asked Mary if I could run a situation past her.  I explained the position we were in, and my fears about a second mortgage. 

She smiled and said, "My husband and I have fourteen mortgages right now. And now is really an excellent time to buy."   She proceeded to detail 30 years history of being landlords and using rentals as their primary form of investment on a single teaching salary.   She told me how they had started out as newlyweds in a duplex, renting out the other side.  They had sold rentals to pay for their kids' college education, sold everything off in the crash of 2008, and started building their assets again.   "There were years when it was tense," she said, "but in those years, the blessing was that we paid no income taxes."

She gave her granddaughter another push.  "We should really have you over sometime, so you can talk to Dave about it," she said.  "Would you like to come over sometime next week?" 

Can I refuse the hand of God?  I accepted with gratitude and went straight home to tell my husband all about it.  Then we started looking at houses, property, building considerations, all kinds of possibilities.  Seth is an idea man, and I entertained all comers. 

A day later, Seth came to me and said, "Love, I can't believe how radically you've changed positions on this." 

I smiled.  Nay, I outright grinned and said, "Well, I prayed very specifically about this, and God gave me a very specific answer.  I kind of figure it would be an insult to him to keep worrying about it."