Another addition to the ranks of military wifedom -- advice for Princess Katherine

I was reading an article on the royal wedding because I missed the showing on tv (What hour was it on on the west coast? I don't know, but everyone who admitted to watching it looked a little groggy this morning.), and it closed with "Next comes the honeymoon, and then they settled down to a military life," or something like that. The press has made it impossible to forget that their royal highnesses Prince William and Prince Harry are active duty military, but I still felt a certain thrill when I realized that Princess Katherine and I have something in common. She is now a military wife.

My first thought was "Oh my gosh, I have something in common with a princess!" and probably most princesses if you think about it. Don't all princes have some military affiliation? My second thought was "Just one more way she's really in for it." Being a military wife is not easy, and I imagine that the difficulties wouldn't be at all assuaged by the duties of being royal.

I know that she's been a military girlfriend and a military fiance for some time, but there's something different about joining yourself to a person and then having that person removed temporarily for purposes good and weighty through no fault of your own. It's not like death or divorce, after which one is supposed to move on. Military service is its own kind of separation, during which one is supposed to hold on without going crazy. Two souls that have become one are stretched over and over again, and it hurts in its own special way.

So with that in mind, I thought I would gather up my six years of military experience and offer some advice to Princess Kate.

1. Read the "emotional cycle of deployment" pamphlets. If the British pamphlets are like the American pamphlets, they're pretty much spot on. Deployment is a lot like a grieving process. You probably will go through uncertainty, separation, and disorientation as he leaves and do them all over again when he comes back. Anger and low periods are normal. It's all part of missing your soulmate. Don't assume that they are the result of doing something wrong. You're probably doing something right.

2. Recognize that the ache that you feel when he's gone is a good thing. Most aches are things we try to do away with. We take medicine or we go shopping. The ache that happens when one's spouse deploys is a little different. It's really a sign of the love that you have for each other, and it's not going to go away fully until he comes back. It's okay to indulge this ache. In fact, indulging the ache is probably the healthiest thing you can do, provided you have time and convenience and indulge in moderation. Read old letters. Stare at pictures. Remember sweet things he's done for you. Cry. This is not a bad pain. Don't try to avoid it.

3. If you're feeling blue or need some support from someone, don't be ashamed of asking. I'm still trying to perfect this one. Life has to go on after they leave, and I think the fact that it is life, and all of life, makes us think that we should be able to handle it as we would if they are here. The only problem is that they're not here, and the support, conversation, intimacy, and second set of hands that comes from having a husband around removes with them. People will naturally refrain from invading your privacy and offering support when you don't seem to need it, so if you need it, make sure you ask.

4. Have a list of people you know you can ask. It's easier that way.

5. Never lose your military id. Just don't.

6. Shop at the commissary. It's cheaper. :)

7. Don't require one hundred percent of yourself all the time. I don't know how someone in the spotlight of royalty can avoid putting the best foot forward constantly, but there have to be days when you say, "Today, we will be accomplishing the absolute minimum because I have done as much as I can." Lock all the doors. Take off the heals and the hats. Collapse in a big comfy chair, and don't do anything you don't feel motivated to do, or at least that isn't absolutely necessary.

8. Do keep busy. I don't think you'll have a problem with that.

9. Skype is a military wive's best friend.

10. Avoid complainers. Life is always lighter if no one is pulling you down, and military wives can be notorious complainers. We call it commiseration. We have some excuse, I think, but that doesn't make it healthy. In light of what we do have, it doesn't do to focus on what we don't have. And all these trials are only what is common to man.

11. Keep a journal or some sort of daily record so you can share all the things that he's missing when he gets back. I email my husband daily, and then I put all of our emails in a special folder as a record for our children.

12. Commit him to God every night, every morning, and with every worry. Rest in the fact that God is the God who Sees, Hears, and Cares. He can reach across continents, and they are much safer in His hands than in ours.

13. I think the hardest time of the day is when everything is finished, all children are in bed, and there's nothing left to do but miss him. There's something vast about a two person bed with only one person in it. Where there should be warmth, touch, comfort, and intimacy, there is only silence, and the blankets don't lie right. You may feel like you're continuously waiting for him to come to bed, and he never does. At times like those, I like to lie awake and imagine what it will be like when he comes back. This technique usually produces some tears, but those tears will make you feel better.

14. Don't be ashamed to go all out when he comes back. Meet him on the pier, or the tarmac in your case. Wave the little flags. Dress in patriotic colors. Throw a party. Go on a second honeymoon. This is not life as usual. He's back! Commemorate it!

15. Be proud of him, and always let him know it.

Best of luck, Your Royal Highnesses. Congratulations and God keep you.

Good Friday.

At the end of a hectic week, it's hard to focus, but there is no moment more worthy of focus than this. Today we remember the day when death was infiltrated. On Sunday we will remember the day that it was shattered from the inside. Today the gate of death has closed on more than it can hold, and on Sunday Life will explode out of death and turn that gate into nothing more than an empty archway. Is anything too difficult for God?

No, and when he does something, he does it thoroughly. Look at our salvation, designed so that He would not only carry our sins but also carry our sorrows. Every possible humiliation and pain in the experience of mankind was heaped on Jesus:rejection by family, betrayal by friends, mockery from the establishment, unjust condemnation from the government, beating, torture, death, misunderstanding, grief, depravation, anything that we could possibly suffer, he bore. He took it into the grave with him and made it part of that archway of death that leads to eternal life. Some of his pain we inflicted, and some of his pain was inflicted on us, but the LORD laid on him the iniquity of us all.

Prayer Journal -- Check.

Prayer Request: All day April 20th. Lord, please, I need a phone call from my husband. Lord, please, I really need a phone call.

6:40 p.m. Seth calls. I get the advice I need. Bonus: He might get off early so we can talk over skype.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is a literal answer to prayer.

Nearly there.

It's Friday. In two more days, we'll have completed another successful 40 Days for Life campaign.


What makes a successful 40 Days for Life campaign? Well, it always helps to have enough people to cover the vigil for the full five and a half weeks. We didn't have as many people as we'd like, but we had more than last year. That's good. We also like to have people from new churches come out to join us, and this year the Nazarene's, the Church of God in Christ, and some Messianic Jews came out and prayed with the rest of us. That was neat. We like to see babies saved, and I can't speak to that yet. I haven't heard any stories of babies saved here, but I know that over 400 were saved nationwide.


Most of all, a campaign is successful when we all accomplish what we set out to do. We set out to fast and pray for 40 days, to rend the heavens and implore God that he would end abortion in our country and then the world. And each year, it seems like we get closer to this goal. More clinics shut down. More politicians are willing to listen. More laws that were meant to regulate the abortion industry are actually enforced (see http://www.operationrescue.org/. They cover all that kind of news.).


I set out to sit outside of an abortion clinic in my car for three hours a week and pray. I gave up processed sugar and sweets. I feel like I lived off tea and honey during the wettest time of the year. I got my daughter up even earlier than she wanted to rise, loaded my car with snacks, books, my computer and a movie, a potty chair, and a blanket, and parked in the right out way outside a place where I know, though I have never seen, people die. And for three hours I prayed, intermittent with cuddling the Boogaloo and mentally cussing out my reluctant computer. I learned how to pray while coaxing a three year old off the steering wheel and how to pee in a can. I learned to watch the sky and think of the clouds being rolled back and our Lord coming in glory to make everything right some day. I learned to be patient. I learned to do what I signed on to do and let everyone else do what they signed on to do. I learned to appreciate the work of people who have been doing this for years before I signed up. The last month and a half has been very educational.


The big question at this time of year is always, "Where do we go from here?" What needs have we addressed, and what more can we do? Our clinic is still open, so we'll be back next year and every abortion day in between. How can we see more accomplished? I hope the Lord reveals that to us. In the meantime our course is to keep going. There will be a day when all such injustices are wiped off the face of the earth and everything becomes known for what it is. I wonder how people will react on that day.

A diary of 3 -- explosion.

Seth likes to complain that Boogaloo makes all her advancements while he's out to sea. The sad thing is that he has a point. When he's gone, Annika just seems to grow by leaps and bounds. For instance, I've been worrying about her speech development. Up until he left, she was saying plenty, but most of it was quotations from her favorite movies. It had no context, and it had very little articulation. Since he left, I've been hearing words and near sentences that relate to the world at hand: okay, I do it, box, ear, feet, hungry, thirsty. I'm thrilled. I can communicate with my child. But I poured out all my worries on Seth, and now he's not here to share in my congratulations.

Also, her interests are broadening. Up until he left, she was playing primarily with dolls and water toys. Her favorite activity was to "row" "around the house" in a laundry basket boat quoting The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything. Just in this past week (and today is Wednesday), she's developed an interest in puzzles, blocks, and Mr. Potato Head. She suddenly started pulling toys out of her long-neglected toy box and playing with them. Go figure.

These are gross over generalizations, of course. The week before he left she was astounding us by naming colors, a subject we thought she was ignoring for the past year. And many's the time he and I have stood and gaped together over whatever that was and wherever it came from. But I don't think I'm imagining it. Suddenly she knows where things go and understands why I do things. She puts her own hamper away and picks up the blocks at bedtime. We've been working on this for months, and it all comes out now. I have several explanations for this uncanny behavioral pattern. Some are probably. Some are not. Maybe I just have more attention to devote to observing her development when he's gone. She is the biggest focus of my time and energy right now. Maybe I have more attention to devote to her, period. Maybe the stress of separation brings out the best in her. She could be sensing the rise in the level of my anxieties and trying to soothe some of them by revealing her hitherto hidden accomplishments. (Don't laugh. She would do that.) Or maybe his Navy schedule just coincides that perfectly with her stages of development. In any case, I am once again in awe of my wunderkind. What a kiddo! What a blessing.