Pondering age.

I'm going to be twenty-seven tomorrow. For the first time in my life, thirty is in sight. I can hardly believe it! I can remember, not so long ago, when thirty seemed like an impossibility, when nothing beyond twenty-one seemed a feasible age for any person of action and chharacter development (I was thinking in terms of my fictional characters; now you know why I haven't bothered really writing anything yet), and now I'm going to be twenty-seven, an arm's reach from thirty. How did this happen? I don't feel old (which is reasonable because neither 27 nor 30 are remotely old), but I don't remember getting to this age. I feel like there should have been more time in there somewhere.

I suppose that in my mind I'm still hovering around twenty-two. I don't feel wise enough to be twenty-seven. I feel like I'm behind development curve. A weeke ago, I thought a twenty-seven-year-old should be much more assured, experienced, and level-headed than I am. I thought nothing could phase a twenty-seven-year-old. A twenty-seven-year-old would be calm, unflappable, and firmly established in all the areas of life that she has chosen to establish herself in. A twenty-seven-year-old would be a grown up and never giddy, silly, inconsistent, or confused. A twenty-seven-year-old would always exist in that clarity of mind that has that revelatory "aaahhh" feeling about it, like the sun breaking through the clouds in a movie.

Somehow, I don't feel like I qualify.

On the other hand, I am a mom and a good one so far. I am a military wife. I have willingly endured separations, frustrations, and responsibilities that many women won't know.

I have learned that God doesn't weigh out his provision based on my piety and that it really is good to obey the Lord.

I have learned the value of submission to my husband, to instruction, and to circumstances beyond my control.

I have learned that I don't know everything, but that what I do know is solid enough to build on.

I have learned the limitations of my spheres of influence and consequently that there is a time for self-assertion and a time to stand back and and wait for God to bring persons, hopes, and circumstances around.

I have learned that I don't have to imitate or envy the successful if their success is in something foreign to my nature. I have learned to be more comfortable with myself.

I have learned that God really doesn't need me to manage my own salvation. He's got it in his hands.

I have learned that it is possible to love someone so much that I would die for her without a second thought.

And I have learned that even though I will forget these truths from time to time, that doesn't mean they go away or cease to exist. The reality of God is a great solid thing at our backs and over our heads and beneath our feet, and we make a comic picture protesting that it must not exist because we can't catch it with flailing hands or see it with our eyes covered.

A big part of growing up is learning that life isn't like you imagined it to be when you were a child. I am not what I thought a twenty-seven-year-old would be, but I am what I should be. I'm not talking about disillusionment. I'm talking about relief. Life is better than I expected.

I've been tagged

Hi, everybody,
I got tagged, and since it's been forever since I've posted a non-baby blog, I thought I'd go along with it. This is called the 3 things Meme. Carma (my blogging buddy) didn't know what a meme was. I'm thinking it's a typo of "me." Any other opinions?

3 Things Meme
3 Places I Go All the Time- I've been kinda homebound lately. Let's see --
1the Commissary (Navy version of a grocery store),
2 church,
3the frig (I get so hungry these days)
3 People Who Email Me-
1My mother
2 my mother-in-law
3 Mary
3 Favorite Places I Like to Eat-
1 Noah's Ark,
2 Boston's Pizza,
3 Dairy Queen
3 Places I would rather be right now-
1out and about (I have so many errands to run today!),
2 somewhere sunny,
3somewhere with wide open spaces -- Yellowstone maybe?
3 Projects I would like to get started-
1researching the history and mythology of the whole world (just a little project that will take the rest of my life and then some)
2 reorganizing my cupboards,
3 painting my house
3 People who will do this-
1 My mother-in-law (maybe. Sometimes she does tags)
2 Alicia (same logic)
3 possible Denae, but she's got two little boys and a photography studio to blog about, so maybe not
3 TV Shows I could watch over and over-
1 Numbers
2 Bones
3 NCIS
Runner up- Dancing with the Stars

Guess what!

HE'S HOME!

And he adores his little girl! He keeps looking at her and saying "Amazing." So thus past week, we've been introducing Niki to Seth's side of the family. Here are Pake and Beppe holding their first great-grandchild.

And since they're both hale and hearty, we'll probably have them in her life for years to come. I'm glad. I hope she has lots of years to make memories with her great-grandparents.

And finally, an advertisement for one of Beppe's favorite places -- the Oregon Gardens in Silverton, OR. Yes, that is a hobbit hole. Now don't you want to take your kids there?

Toodles. Got to go change a diaper.

New Pictures for Daddy.

Pardon the proliferation of close ups. This is how Daddy gets to see his little girl right now. People are still having a hard time telling who she looks like. The receptionist at my chiropractor's office said she looks like me, but my chiropractor told her that she should wait until she meets Seth before she forms any opinions on the matter.

Niki is certainly Seth's child though: willful yet content. I confess, I was hoping she would take after his personality. She'll save herself a lot of ulcers if she follows his lead. I might get a little frustrated having the two of them lined up against me, but she'll be less stressed and happier in the long run.

One month and growing.

It's incredible to me that Annika was one month old on Tuesday. It seems like I can't have had her for more than a week! I think lack of sleep contributes to that. But she has grown so much.
Time never was a tangible element in my life before, even with Seth being out to sea. Now I can practically feel it running underneath my feet. She's grown one and a half pounds at least, and I'm sure she's added on at least three inches maybe more. She's cooing and gurgling and looking around. I've gotten several grins that could be traced to neither gas nor food, and once or twice we think she's laughed or at least made some expression of approval or contentment that sounded like a laugh. When I look at her now, I'm struck with the feeling that I'll never have back that little baby who did nothing but snuggle in my arms. She's one month old and already I can regret the passing of part of her life. I can wish that something hadn't changed.

I suppose part of my regret is occasioned by the fact that Seth isn't here to see all this. He's not going to know the thrill of the first smile, the first laugh, the first eye contact, the first sound that isn't "aah-waaaa." Everything that happens now is one more thing he misses, and I can't grab that first smile or that cute gurgle and push it back insider her until her father comes home. Once it happens, it's gone, and it's one less smile he'll get to see. The person who has had a full night's sleep will point out that smiles are not a strictly rationed commodity, that missing her smiles now does not meant that he actually will get fewer smiles over the course of a lifetime. But when each smile is a masterpiece, missing one smile is still a great loss.